Me: Oh my god, these videos of overdoes are horrible. These poor people.
AC: Why are you watching that? Didn’t we have enough of that when we saw it first hand?
Me: For the same reason we watch movies about the holocaust, Vietnam War, and starving kids in Africa. If we don’t keep it in the forefront of our mind then we will forget and stop caring. If we stop caring we will stop working for it to change. If we stop working for it to change people die and history repeats itself.
Man In Elevator at Work to another man in elevator: Did you see the construction guy sleeping in the chair?
Other Man: No, where?
First Man: Over by the big window. He is snoozing away.
Other Man: Late night?
First Man: More like life style. He looks nasty. I don’t know how they let druggies work in a building like this.
Me: The same way that “druggies” get jobs and work with you in suit and ties. “Druggies” are everywhere. Teaching your children, fixing your car, giving you prescriptions for strep when you go to the doctor. Don’t presume to know what a druggie is.
Other Man: Wow, someone knows a lot about druggies.
Me: I also know a lot about assholes.
Me while picking up Jared at the Dunkin Donuts downtown: Jared, that guy is creepy, why are you talking to him?
Jared: His girlfriend works there and they only have one car so he hangs out while she works. He lost his license recently so it’s either sit here or sit home.
Me: Did he, like, tell you his whole life story or what?
Jared: Yes actually. They are both heroin addicts, both clean for a few years. He is trying to settle all his cases so he can get a job and his license back.
Me: He told you all that? You don’t find it strange that he is telling a 14 year old kid all that?
Jared: (looks thoughtful for a moment) Nah, he sensed my inner adult.
Mom to Jay J: JoDee is in the hospital.
Jay J: Why now?
Mom: Something with her heart. They think endocarditis.
Jay J: How do you get that?
Mom: If she has that probably from using the last time she relapsed.
Jay J: Oh, so it’s her fault.
Mom: What? What a terrible thing to say. What is wrong with you?
Jay J: I just mean it didn’t happen on its own. It’s not like a disease you’re born with.
Mom: That’s not what you meant. Your being a dick.
Jay J: Say whatever you want. I’m entitled to my opinion.
Mom: She is still your sister. You could treat her with some decency.
Jay J: I am. You’re blowing this out of proportion.
After seeing that JayPay and JoDee got tattooed with each other’s names…
AC: Are you mad?
Me: No. I guess not. I mean…. I don’t know.
Jared: They are cool tattoos.
Me: Ya. Clean pieces for sure. But…
AC: But what?
Jared: Too big?
Me: The only other couple I know that did that split up and one died.
AC: That’s looking at the bright side. (Pauses for a moment) You are way to superstitious.
Me: I have to be. It’s a thing. It’s my thing. If I worry about it, it won’t happen. If I stop worrying, she will use again and die. If I spend the rest of my life worrying, but she is fine, that’s ok. I would rather that then spend the rest of my life wondering if I had worried would she of lived.
Jared: Wow. That statement has Life Time movie written all over it.
Me: Go to your room.
Jared: Where my PS3 is? No not that! (Laughing as he runs away)
While reflecting on our upcoming trip (and before people say anything about me broadcasting we are going away, I have an entire family staying at the house and we have nothing to rob so have it)
AC: Are you excited?
Me: Yes but I’m more relieved.
AC: Relieved that it is almost over?
Me: No, that everyone has lived long enough to go. It was a little questionable for a while.
Both of us sit in silence thinking about that….
AC: Our family has been through hell.
Me: Yup. And we have the scars to prove it.
AC: Thank god you have me to tell you the difference between right and wrong.
Me: Thank god I am going to stab you with a fork in your eyes when you’re sleeping tonight.
AC: Thank god you’re not violent and unreasonable.
Me: That was violent? I thought that was being gentle….
While emailing with a friend and fellow mother of an addict:
Her: I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should throw him out or not.
Me: Don’t do what is best for the addict. Do what is best for you.
Her: If I don’t throw him out and he dies, I will feel like it’s my fault but the idea of him being on the street makes me physically ill.
Me: The addict does what the addict wants. You cannot change that or his using. Forget about what is best for him because you can’t get that message across. What can you live with? If the worst possible thing happens what will you feel was the right thing to do? If you are starring at his head stone, will you be able to say I did everything I could but you wouldn’t save yourself? Or will you say my gut told me to do this but I ignored it.
Her: My gut says to report him to his probation officer. (Silence) Jail is better than dead.
Me: Anything is better than dead. There is nothing that can fix that.