Darkness is the empty spot at the dinner table where you would sit.

Darkness is getting my nails done by myself.

Darkness is starring at my phone wondering why you read my messages but don’t reply.

Darkness is putting an X on the calendar to mark another day I haven’t spoken to you, or seen you, or know where you are.

Darkness is celebrating the 4th of July with everyone around, but you. And me knowing I can’t ask you to come over because the last time I talked to you I could barely follow the conversation because you were high.

Darkness knows you could live in the light. You could feel the sun on your face and laughter in your heart. You could be with us, enjoying the struggles of life.

Darkness is waiting but not knowing what I am waiting for. Can you recover? Will you? Do you ever want too?

Darkness happens during the moments that I think about how badly you treat yourself. I picture you high, drooling, dirty, living on the street.

Darkness is the depression that sinks in my bones.

Darkness is missing you.

Darkness is that loving you isn’t enough. Loving yourself is the only thing and you can’t do that. Or you won’t.

Darkness is pretending to participate in life. Putting on a fake smile and telling everyone everything is fine. It is what it is. When the truth is I never stop grieving you. I feel the loss every day.

Darkness is looking at the picture of you with your siblings that sits on my desk at work only to wonder where that girl is. And wondering if we will ever see her again.

Darkness means not giving into the darkness when all you can see is the darkness in the dark.

Darkness is you.

Darkness is me.

Darkness is what we have become and what will continue to be.



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