Well, shit. This has been a fun few weeks. Someday, when I am dead, my headstone is gong to read “That did not go as planned.” That’s it. It literally describes my life in full without the need for further explanation.  Take for instance, when you are on your way to a perfect, little gentleman’s first birthday when you are suddenly pulled over for an expired expiration sticker, which you didn’t notice but that becomes less of a problem than the fact that you are driving with an revoked license because you never dealt with your addict daughters car which was abandoned and in your name.  Yes, like that moment.  Like that moment that escalated quickly. However, we won’t talk about that. What we will talk about is that Jay J and Cinderella went to the prom on Friday night. This was amazing because while he was in high school, he refused, and I do mean refused because I begged, to go to any of his own dances. But along come the gf and whammo, he is prom-ing itup.  He prom’d it up like a mofo. He owned that prom.

Anyway, both him and Cinderella have impeccable taste and are a little bit of a brand whore. So of course they wanted a Michael Khors tux. No, they couldn’t get the simple tux off the rack but the special order tux. Ok, fine. It’s probably the only time I will be able to get him into a tux anyway, so special order away. I have done the whole prom business with JoDee so I’m familiar with how this works on the girl end. The fancy, super expensive dress that hope covers most of the landscape, the shoes, make-up, tan, jewelry….ya, been there and done that. I was expecting this to be easy peasy with Jay J. WRONG. His tux pants didn’t fit when they came in the day before (and the dude actually asked Jay J if he put them on right. The pants. If he knew how to put pants on. Jay J, of course, answered like only a child of mine could by asking the guy if he (Jay J) looked like a dumb ass? HA! Love it) and then on the day of the prom, when they came in at 3:30 IN THE AFTERNOON, they were ripped. It was the tux that just wouldn’t quit! But, alas, the pants were fixed, he got all dolled up and look extremely debonair if I do say so myself, pics below to prove it!

What didn’t go as planned was what happened while we were waiting for the all-clear-to-come-over text from Cinderella letting us know she was ready for pictures. I was preparing supper to put in the oven for when we got back from pictures when daughter dearest called from detox. I answered the phone and said you’re on speaker and everyone is here. Immediately she said pick up. I knew. I knew right then she was leaving. Usually she wants to speak to everyone. She might cry and be sad, but she wants to hear their voices. I took her off speaker asking her what the matter was. She said I’m leaving. We went back and forth. Her telling me it’s inevitable, she will use eventually so why bother, me telling her it doesn’t have to be this way, she doesn’t have to do this. Eventually, she hung up on me.  I’m not surprised. I was telling her all the reasons she should stay and make her life better and her addiction did not want to hear that.

I took some pictures of Jay J getting ready for the prom and tried to be in the moment but it’s hard. It’s hard to put that aside. Though, I feel like this is a pattern. Holidays, birthdays, any special moments seemed to be marred by the latest and greatest (by greatest I do mean horrifying) relapse. And each time that happens I  miss time from the family and I miss time from work and sure as shit stinks a week later one of the other kids will get sick or need me and I will feel like I can’t take the time off of work. This usually affords me a great deal of guilt which keeps me up at night and trying to make it up to them in all the wrong ways. Like letting Jared miss a day of school when he begs, or not making Jay J do his chores until the recycling actually falls over and I have to send a search party in to find Baby Kitty who is not a baby anymore but I don’t care.

As I called the detox back to tell someone of her plan, I watched AC help with his cuff links.

 

As I hung up with them, a case worker going to try to talk to JoDee, I was able to snap a quick picture just as AC was done helping him with his tie and jacket.

 

The case worker called back, I spoke to JoDee, Big A spoke to JoDee, she was leaving no matter what. I made a decision. I wasn’t going to pick her up. I couldn’t bail on Jay J’s event. I was front and center for every single one of JoDee’s accomplishments and I could not and would not miss another thing of the other kids. While we were taking this:

 

And this:

 

And having our minds blown at how stunning they both were here:

 

And how dwarf-ish, and round, I look compared to the rest of my family here:

 

I told Big A he could go if he wanted but I wasn’t doing it. It sucks feeling like I have to pick sides. It sucks to feel like I have to choose between my kids. But I have to try to remember that I am not picking JoDee over Jay J. I’m choosing Jay J over addiction. Maybe if I tell myself that enough, I will even believe it.

 

Also, I thought JoDee was a real promzilla when it was her turn, but Cinderella was taking no crap! She told us where to stand, and who got to take pictures with us, and reminded people not to touch her because her dress was white. She pushed Jay J into pictures and out of pictures and her sister into pictures and out of pictures. It was awesome. I loved every minute of it!