Yes And No

No I will not stop fighting for you.

No, I will not stop reminding you that you are worth something.

No, I can’t stop worrying because this only ends three ways: jails, institutions or death.

No, you cannot come home if you are in active addiction.

No, I will not participate in your addiction. I will not allow myself to be held hostage by heroin.

No, I won’t stop thinking about you, praying for you and crying when I am alone.

No, I will not lock the door to keep you out. If you open the door and come in you know what is expected from you.

No, I will not pretend to be happy about this.  I will not act as though this is easy because it isn’t.

No, I will not give you money and I will tell others not to give you money too.

No, I won’t give up on you, even though you have given up on yourself.  I will remind you daily that I love you and I am here for you when you are ready.

No, I will not accept that your fate is sealed. Until there is no more breath in one of us, I will keep trying.

No, I will not hide your active addiction from your siblings. I know you think I put you on blast but if I don’t, addiction wins.

No, I won’t stop being resentful and angry. I have every right to be angry and if someone doesn’t like they can kiss my ass.

No, I will not sleep. I can’t. When I close my eyes the images I see haunt me when I am awake.

Yes, I will always be your mother.

Yes, I will help you when you are ready.

Yes, I will forgive you. Every time. Always. Completely.

Yes, I believe you are worth the fight.

Yes, I love you very much.

Yes, I want you to live a long and happy life with people who want the same.

Yes, I will go to whatever extremes I deem necessary to see you survive.

No, I will not apologize for that.

No,  I will not have a Happy Thanksgiving with out you.

Yes, I will miss you terribly as we all will.

Yes, I will be thinking about you.




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