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Middle To You

Because I have a daughter with a heroin addiction, I see you everywhere. I see you in the face of the homeless, begging outside the Red Sox game. A sign reads Homeless, Looking for Human Compassion. Anything Helps. As the sign-holder drools into his cup, with heavy eye lids, mumbling gibberish words to pedestrians passing by that don’t see you standing behind him. Smiling, holding his soul in your hand. I see you.

Middle to you

I see you in the pictures of my son’s 16 birthday party. Standing in the corner by the fence as JoDee leans against it, with slumped shoulders and a pale face in the hot, humid June sun. I see you staring at her boyfriend/drug runner/drug supplier watching him get sick, glee on your face as you know you have a life time customer. You whisper your own sweet yearnings into his ear, daring him to draw her in more. She isn’t completely sold yet, she hates being sick, she hates hiding from her family. You aren’t charming enough for her alone; she needs him to convince her more. One more time, you think, and she could be hooked for life. She takes his hand and walks out of the yard to his car. You are high fiving yourself for another victory.

Middle to you

When you stand next to the body of person, someone who was loved, and missed, and mourned, and suffered, and has died, and you watch their souls become free of you for the first time in years, you think you have won. You stand victoriously as though there is an audience to congratulate you on a job well done. You stand alone. You are celebrating at a time we are weeping. You are glorious at a time when we are grieving. You bang your chest like the king of the jungle, announcing his kill while we are banging our fist and screaming for answers that will never come.

Middle to you

At times that she is late, tired, frustrated and short tempered, I see you standing behind her smirking at me because I doubt her. The look of hurt in her eyes, that I have questioned her when she has been doing so well, gives you hope that maybe your customer will be back. The anger I feel for being in the position of doubting her intentions, her clean time and her truths, fuels your evil ways making you stronger. I hate when I see you lurking in my house, but you love to be there. You love to be everywhere, you love to be where you are not wanted, where you are wanted, where you go uninvited and were you are not only an invited guest but a guest that has been sought out with no mercy.

Middle to you

When a woman sells her soul and her body for you, when a man sells his soul and his body for you, when person steals for you, robs for you, lies for you, pawns for you, fights for you and then you give them only moments when they are looking for eternity.

Middle to you

When one is never enough and a thousand is too many.

Middle to you

When a baby stays locked in a car, an apartment, an alley, starving looking for his mommy or daddy who is in the corner, the alley, the abandoned building with you, instead of their baby.

Middle to you

When years of clean time are wiped away with one drop of your Satan oil.

Middle to you

When a baby is born blue, lifeless, with your juice flowing through their tiny body, with no chance, no life, no opportunity to live.

Middle to you

When a baby is born, sick, fighting for their life, the mommy guilt ridden, sick and craving, wanting to die, hoping the baby dies with her, ending all the suffering, while you stand in the hospital, arms open, enjoying the moment.

Middle to you

When lies become truths, when truths become lies, when love becomes hate, when loved ones become strangers, when tears are dried and gone and no one cares anymore.

Middle to you

I dream about taking your poison, to the enth degree, so I can see you holding my soul. I want to be in your space, in your place, so I can see the look on your face when I give you the finger as equal parts. So you can see that you are not what you think you are. So you can see that the victory is ours because the souls of those that left went to a place that is beautiful and healing and rewarding for their struggles here. Your victory is only as good as your poison, momentary. And you continue to seek out souls because you can never get enough. As addictive as you are, you are addicted to them. Until that day, Middle to you.

 

 

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