The Chronicles of Facebook
I am not a huge Facebook poster. Inasmuch as I don’t post “At the grocery store” or “Taking a shower”. I just don’t think anyone particularly cares enough about my life to know those things. More importantly I don’t care enough about my life to post those things. However, I was on a conference call the other day, and it really didn’t pertain to me, so I started scrolling through my Facebook page on my phone. Holy hell the things I found. It was interesting because I could tell how things were good, and then not so good, and then terrible, and then ok. But I also saw some old pictures which really brought me back in time. So that got me thinking about what this family has been through. And here are some picture to reflect on:
This is how it all starts, as innocent, beautiful children:
After several years, she became this:
Somehow I missed that she was becoming this:
Notice that this picture was taken in August (I found out the next month she is an addict addicted to heroin) and she is pale. Now when I look at this picture, I get it. She was clearly using. It makes me so angry that I didn’t notice it. How I missed it is so beyond me. It is crazy.
But, that led to the first of many detoxes and the first time I tossed her room. This was her on the day she completed her first detox:
I can see in her eyes she wasn’t ready. She had no intention of staying clean, not because of lack of desire, but because the drugs had already taken over. I can see in her face. She was fighting with herself before she even stepped foot out of that program.
But we didn’t know that yet, so there was lots of this:
We all sort of took turns baby-sitting her for a while, which is useless and dumb because you can’t drug-sit an addict out of addiction, even if you try and spend a lot of money doing it. Eventually, we had several relapses landing her in rehab. A great rehab program in Phoenix, AZ was willing to take her, so I flew out with her, dropped her off and waited for the miracle to happen. Instead she ran. On the run, using 2000 miles away from home was the epitome of torture. While that was happening, we got this:
Baby Kitty, aka, Diego, aka, my love. He is bigger than this now, but still has the exact same cute-pie face. How can you not love that face? (I know as my dad is reading this he is telling my step- mother that I should make Cat-Soup with that thing. Be nice Dad).
Eventually JoDee turned up from Arizona, a hot mess, detoxing, nasty, anxious, and ready to start anew. In that year we had lots of ups and downs. Things were moving along like this:
And some days were more like this:
Sometime around August JoDee had another relapse which resulted in her going to detox, a step-down unit and then to a half-way house. This was her right before I learned she was relapsing, how (again!) I didn’t see it, I’m not sure because she certainly looks cracked-out to me when I look at these pictures now:
Actually, we both do, come to think of it. I, on the other hand, was not cracked-out. I was simply sinking back into denial. I place I frequent regularly. JoDee got booted like a football from the half-way house for not following the rules (shocker!) so she ended up the sober house she is staying at now. She really derailed at Christmas which is really hard to believe given that she looked pretty good.
She was sectioned, completed that program, and is back at her sober house, doing well. I hope this is last time I say she relapsed, I hope these blogs can focus on recovery and helping others that are where we were, but only time will tell. JoDee is about to hit her 60 day mark. That’s fantastic. And, not but, and, we have seen that before. Good news is this time I think she really has been clean for 60 days, were as the other times, I’m not sure we could call her squeaky clean. I used to go with her to see her get her milestone key tag at a meeting but I have seen 30, 60 and 90 days. I won’t go this time until it’s 6 months. If all goes well, and I hope to Christ on a Cross that it does, she should be celebrating her 6 months right around the same time Jay J graduates, in June. The next few months are going to be tough for our family, not just because we deal with addiction every day, but we have some other tough stuff that is approaching. I don’t want JoDee to sweat about it, she has enough to deal with, and I believe this will a blip on our radar. Our family has been through hell and back with the scars to prove it; I believe we will come through these next 6 months stronger, clean, and ready to celebrate a lot of success in June. Even if it means I have a new hair cut! And then these two faces:
will be able to enjoy taking the whole crew to Aruba in August to celebrate my milestone…. Let’s don’t talk about the birth day. I’m not ready to say I will be…..40!