I have been super busy with work (month end + accounting manager= no life) and I have been working on a post for another blog I was invited to post on (The Storyteller: The Collective, check it out if you have a chance, shortly you will see me posted there!) so here is something a little lighter, a little funny and a lot serious!
There is life before addiction and life after. This is true not just for the addict but for the family of the addict too. It sort of like the whole this is your brain vs this is your brain on drugs campaign. However flat that fell, it is somewhat true. The way I saw things before compared to the way I see things now is so so different. I can’t see them the same way. Any person who has been through anything traumatic, no matter how big or small that trauma is, will say nothing looks the same. Below is my comparison. The first definition is direct from the Webster’s Online Dictionary. The second is The Definition According to Melanie.
Compassion- Sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortune of others.
Compassion- Giving a flying shit about other people- in general regardless of your status, financial situation, sexual orientation, religion.
Addiction-the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing or activity.
Addiction-life ruining, family splitting and soul killing demon from hell.
Siblings-each of two or more children or offspring having one or both parents in common; a brother or sister.
Siblings-several children, namely 5, sharing a 1400 sq foot house with one bathroom, and not killing each other dead.
Recovery-a return to a normal state of health, mind or strength
Recovery-a return to the state of mind you were prior to use because no one I have ever met is normal.
Normal-(noun) the usual, average, or typical state or condition.
Normal- a mythic state of mind that no one every sees or gets too. Unicorns that fart rainbows live there.
Reality-the world of the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them.
Reality-a looming figure, a stalker, a gigantic pain in the ass. An absolute necessity.
Therapy-treatment intended to relieve or heal a disorder
Therapy- a place a person can go to scream, yell, and cry. Also, get help with emotional stress.
Depression-feelings of severe despondency and dejection.
Depression- finding out your child is a drug addict. And that it has been happening for a long time but you had no idea, like a schmuck.
Denial- the action of declaring something to be untrue.
Denial- a wonderful state of mind that allows a person living with an addict to exist until s/he is able to face Reality.
Fear- an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.
Fear- a pressure in your chest that constantly reminds you that your child may not live to see tomorrow.
Anxiety-a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
Anxiety- a way of life.
Lies-marked by or containing falsehoods
Lies- the shit an addict tells you that you hope to Christ on a cross is the truth
Truth-that which is true or in accordance with fact or reality.
Truth-something you never hear from an addict.
Love- an intense feeling of deep affection.
Love- an intense feeling of deep affection coupled with unbelievable fear and anxiety.
Hope-a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen
Hope-a feeling of great desire for sleep, food not to turn to lead in your gut, and to use the bathroom without a cat or kid trying to break in. Relentlessly.
Family-all the descendants of a common ancestor, a group of parents and children living together in a household
Family-all the people that care for you, that support you and stand by you even when you’re at your worst. Even when your child is a heroin addict and you don’t have time for them or when you do all you do is yell, bitch, cry or use swear words so horrendous sailors have turned red. In JoDee’s defense, the swearing part happened even before her addiction.
Surrender-cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority
Surrender-I don’t know. I haven’t gotten to the point that I surrender to defeat. To addict, it means something entirely different. To me, it means I give up on my daughter, and that will never happen.